He ain't heavy, He's my Brother

The Early years

Born in the early 1960's, I am the middle child in a family of 7 children.  I have 2 older, and 1 younger sister - all of whom I love very much.  I also have 1 older brother and 2 younger brothers.

My Father passed away March 22, 1987 at the age of 60 years young.

On March 23, 2017, my brother Chris passed away! He was 60 years young!

Needless to say - I'm not looking forward to my 60th birthday in a few years!

This is my oldest brother - I love this picture, it really shows his caring and patient nature.  When I look at this picture I see Chris - yes - but more it symbolizes all that he was.

They say a picture says 1000 words.  Yet, I see - in this picture - and in those memories of my big brother, so much more.  I see patience, care and understanding.  I see gentleness and love, I see bewilderment and curiosity.  This picture epitomizes Chris to a Tee.  All those attributes were him and they surrounded him like a halo.

In all the world, there are but a handful of people you can look at and truly say, this is a truly great person.  This person will leave this world in a better shape than he/she found it!  There are not many people like this. There are many people who act like this, but there is usually a level of self-interest involved.

With Chris, there was no hidden agenda - there were no extra ideals hiding behind a mask of kindness.

When you spoke to, interacted with, or even just had a casual conversation with this man, you always knew exactly where he was coming from.  When you left - you always felt better for it.  

Chris wasn't the kind of guy you wanted to burden with your problems.  He was such a fun-loving guy - you simply wanted to share a drink and an afternoon with.  We did share many of those!!!

Chris suffered from Parkinson's disease.  Seventeen or so years ago he was diagnosed with it.  While I hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks at that point, I can only imagine what he must have gone through when his doctors told him the news.  However, if he had any self-interests or self-preservation concerns at heart, he never let on.  For Chris it was life as usual.

Chris had a hard life in some ways. Companies he worked for were bought out by bigger companies, and he sort-of bounced around from one to the other and back again.

He worked at Northern Electric for a few years in the 1970's,  then they became Northern Telecom and he went with the change.  He left them to pursue a career at Digital until they got bought out some 12 years later (by Compaq) and eventually - after several job changes, wound up at Nortel (another transformation of Northern Electric).

He spent a dozen or so years at Nortel until their mid 2000's plummet cost him most of his pension and retirement funds.   He was laid off shortly afterwards in the now infamous Nortel meltdown.  This diagnosis of Parkinson's, the Nortel pension issue, and being laid off, all happened around the same time.  Yet, not once - and I truly mean - not once - did I hear a word of self-pity.  Not once did he say anything negative about his situation, or even complain about lack of work or income. 

Lots more happened during that time period in his life.  Two relationships went sour, his son - Andrew - left for University (Chris was so darn proud - he never stopped talking about Andrew), and the Parkinson's medication had some serious side-effects on him.  He was  all-of-a-sudden living alone in the middle of the country side.

Talk about a series of unfortunate events!  All this happened in a span of about 3-4 years.

I won't go into detail about individual events, but I will say, that despite all this, he still always had a smile, loved to come over for a cold beer most summer days (and many nights), and always had great things to talk about. He would often try and impersonate Maxwell Smart (he loved that show and the movie) just to get a laugh out of you.

In the later years, this horrible disease took some of his enthusiasm away.  He would often lose focus on the task at hand (regardless of what he was doing) and would simply get up and go for a walk.  Sometimes he would seem to walk to a specific location, and others just to get up and walk around.  The medication that helped control his muscular issue seemed to affect many of his personality traits.

Chris and Andrew - December 2016.

About 6 or 7 years ago, he could no longer take care of his basic needs.  Things like driving to the grocery store, paying bills,  controlling money, cleaning the house and other things that the rest of us take for granted - were becoming difficult or even dangerous. 

Chris moved to Pembroke into a home (Marian Hill) where they could look after those needs and provide companionship for him.

This road was indeed long, with many a winding turn.  This song (the title) was one of our favorite songs, and it really says so much about Chris. and our intertwined lives in general.

Even in the picture above, despite being mostly immobilized, in a wheelchair, unable to do most of the things he loved, he was always happy, always had a smile and would brighten up the residence where he lived.

After he passed away, tributes for Chris from the Marion Hill staff poured into the funeral home and in person to us (his family).

I will miss my brother, but I will meet up with him and my Dad some day in the future.  Until then I will try to follow his example and be a shining beacon for others.

See ya later Max! 

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If anything I've written has moved you, please make a donation to the Canadian Parkinson's Society:

Parkinson's website